So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
