The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
