10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
