I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
