Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
