Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
