Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Randomize
