She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
