my phone needs a breathalizer
it's like iHOP with fire
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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