I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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