8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
