I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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