I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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