There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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