I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
