1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
