tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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