Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
