We're facebook friends in real life
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
