I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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