Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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