all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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