In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
