I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
