it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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