I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
operation harelip BJ is a go
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
