Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
