So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
