I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
