Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize