Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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