you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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