A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
either way he was missing a nipple.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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