the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I can't turn off my feet"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
