Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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