He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
