So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
did i just pee glitter
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