Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
