Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
