some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
