Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
