Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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