oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
