I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
