420 ftw
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
