Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
