i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize