Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
