but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
