I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
