I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
