My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
