I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
