After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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