Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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