I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
