And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
