lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
