a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
never play flip cup with pint glasses
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
