drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize