one might say we're banned from that church
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
