watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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