It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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