I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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