we're blogging at a bar
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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