So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We smell like vodka and hangover
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