Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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