Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
