Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
