So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
