last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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