Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
