What a fucking waste of an outfit
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
