My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
