Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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