I'm lost and stupid without you.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
