So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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