my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
