she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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