My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
