So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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