Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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