i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
