You really coming over, don't trick.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
