I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
