She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
