TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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