please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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