Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
