We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
