i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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