bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
