yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
