We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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