wat bout pragnant strippers??
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
