she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize