I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
that may or may not have been my penis.
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