i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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