dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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