you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
