im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
