She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
