i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
