chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
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