I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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