He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
